Life begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies...

When we grew up in the '70's, they told us that while retaining our natural superiority in the areas of childbearing, putting new rolls of toilet paper on the spindle, and choosing wallpaper, we women were now men's equals in everything except whapping large bugs, getting the 12:00 to stop blinking on the VCR, and making emotional investments in televised sports. But I think the truth is that somewhere on that Y-chromosome is a little glass-ceiling gene that keeps men from wearing spandex mini-skirts or selling each other candles for 5% commissions.

For about seven years, I wrote a weekly humor column which appeared in several Midwest newspapers. In addition to over 200 columns under my byline, I also published articles in other newspapers; including the Chicago Tribune and the Wall St. Journal. However once Child #4 joined my research staff (already consisting of three kids, two attack-cats and a sheep-deprived Border Collie), I decided to take a sabbatical from the column. In some of those columns which follow, I take aim at my fellow Baby Boomers -- the 95+ million Americans who make up 38% of our population and represent the largest source of buying power in the USA. (Okay, the largest source not counting my teenager and her friends on a mall-crawl...)

In these columns, I will share some of my own experience and that of other parents whose hard-won wisdom includes the following insights:

• There are only six documented cases of females who look good in mini-skirts, and five of them aren't allowed into PG-13 movies yet.
• In the entire history of western civilization there is no evidence that any bridesmaid was ever able to cut off that dress and wear it to parties later.
• Buying a pleated, plaid skirt can and often does tragically lead to wearing perky blazers and voting Republican.

So sit up straight, stop biting your nails and pay attention to a Mom: this is for your own good.